LIFE Institute for Family Excellence Newsletter
"Advice for strengthening marriages"
In this issue:
- Use of Relaxation and Biofeedback in Healing Relationships
- LIFE Christmas special
- The Fallacy of Falling Out of Love
Use of Relaxation and Biofeedback in Healing Relationships
LIFE has been a pioneer in the use of relaxation and biofeedback techniques in assisting couples in troubled relationships to create a safe and shared environment where trust can deepen, healing can occur, and effective communication can flourish. Biofeedback is just one of many highly effective tools utilized by LIFE in its effective Couples Trainings and Retreats programs.
Overview
At LIFE Couples Trainings and Retreats, it is our experience that as we teach a couple to relax, helping them to experience the relief of letting their guard down, allowing the conscious, protective, fearful, limiting part of their thinking to relax and rest, they permit a deeper sub conscience and truer self to balance their thoughts and experiences, and a softer more pliable partner begins to emerge.
We find a wonderful combined energy as we bring both partners into a shared relaxation experience. As both parts of the couple are more at peace with themselves and each other, they start to realize that they are actually not enemies or sparring partners, and they find themselves on the same side of the arena.
Without so much chaos and negative energy to ignite the air between them, they begin to synergize. The shared experience of both partners simultaneously releasing tension, along with the bonding of the experience and the actual time they share in this discovery process, allows the relationship to deepen and find common ground.
Shifting focus to the positive fills the self and the partnership with good experiences of shared victory. As the relationship expands with all that is right, the negative patterns are more easily released.
As the couple connects in this process they often exert a certain "magnetic" pull that engages their children, extended family, and even neighbors and friends in this healing process.
The primary usefulness of biofeedback to LIFE and our clients is as a means to an end. The desired end is to teach our clients to, whenever necessary, find their own space of emotional and physical peace and relaxation from which foundation they can communicate more effectively with their relationships, and identify solutions for challenges and recognize opportunities for growth.
Example
LIFE recently used the above methodology with a couple, Mike and Rosemarie, from Salt Lake City. This couple has struggled in their relationship for many years and recently had experienced the shock of a cancer diagnosis for Mike and a relatively severe health setback for Rosemarie. These circumstances had placed even greater stress on their relationship as they were both caught up in their own health fears and frustrations, unable to find significant energy for the other.
We decided to utilize and teach relaxation therapy to them primarily as a couple rather than in individual sessions. The couple readily engaged in the process and ultimately thrived in the shared experience. Even if their discussions after the early sessions centered on the session itself (as opposed to dealing with deeper issues) that shared experience provided a point of connection, an awareness that was the beginning of recognition of other common threads, including their health issues.
Mike relates, "Experiencing the process together seemed to put us singing off the same sheet of music for the first time. A natural bond was created."
Rosemarie feels that, "It was a peaceful time to be together. It seemed we discovered new things that we had in common and gave us some things to talk about. I actually had some things come up during the sessions that Mike and I were later able to, in an easy and natural way, address without the negative energy that would have been present before."
Mike believes that had they done the process separately it would have been much more difficult to share and understand one another's experiences.
As Mike and Rosemarie engaged in the experience they invariably noticed for a period of days following the sessions a greater degree of peace in their home and relationship, as well as a deeper kinship and a concern for one anotherŐs welfare. This led to a more active empathetic commitment of support for one another as they came to feel a new connection.
Conclusion
Other clients have noted the sense of sharing a common goal during the session, and feeling mutually supported as they together found a place of greater peace. Virtually everyone finds the process to be natural and enjoyable with no need to force things through self discipline or contrived focus. We also hear from clients that they enjoy both the emotional and physical closeness of the experience.
Ultimately, one of the most exciting things about biofeedback and relaxation treatment is that its practice can ultimately be turned over to the client in a process of "Patient, heal thyself (or keep yourself healed)." That is perhaps the best news about teaching these skills to couples, as it becomes a readily available tool for them to use in the ongoing growth and deepening of their relationship.
For more information about LIFE Couples Trainings and Retreats and how we can serve you and your relationship, contact us, or call 801-623-7250.
Just in time for Christmas
LIFE Couples Trainings and Retreats is offering special pricing and special terms for the best Christmas Gift you will ever give to one another.
A LIFE Training Retreat is the best way for many couples to heal their relationship, reestablish trust, and take communication to a new and effective level. And it's a fun and relaxing experience as well! Imagine 5 days spent at a beautiful beach house or a wonderful mountain cabin, reconnecting and learning the skills and principles that will take your relationship to higher and happier ground.
Make the commitment that there will be no more miserable holidays with your relationship in a state of tenseness or mistrust. Instead make the choice today that every day will be one of love, trust, well-being, and joy. It is within your reach.
The Fallacy of Falling Out of Love
Recently a friend of mine was asked to perform an arrangement written for a clarinet, viola, and the piano, at a public function hundreds of people would be attending. A part of him was thrilled, flattered by the offer. Another part of him, as he put it, sent him "screaming into an inner closet!"
You see, though my friend had in his teenage years mastered the clarinet, having played in the orchestra, the marching band, the concert band, and the jazz band, he had since neglected the gift of talent he had once rejoiced in and, except for an occasional moment or two of nostalgia, had not played in more than 40 years.
After accepting the gracious invitation he found that His attempts to play were slow and painful, interrupted by the most horrendous and nonmusical of sounds. While sympathetic with his situation I must admit to enjoying a little laughter at his expense. But reflecting on his plight, I started thinking of people who had lost a gift they once possessed in their lives. Even more telling, I have heard people speak of having lost the love of a spouse or for a spouse, saying they have "fallen out of love."
So had my friend "fallen" out of talent for playing the clarinet? I think through neglect and thoughtlessness he had not kept it tuned, and had lost his edge, but I submit not his talent. He had not practiced and nourished his musical gift. Just as it was the musical squawks and squeaks that brought to him the sounds of rusty abilities, is it not to be expected that a neglected relationship will produce its share of painful off-key notes evidenced by fighting, criticizing, and complaining?
At LIFE it is our firm belief that love and relationships take practice, fuel, and care. Perhaps you have sometime resumed a long neglected hobby, sport, or task and have felt the screaming of long-neglected muscles.
Do you remember during your courtship the hours you spent on the phone, the obsession, the meticulous care you showed to your appearance and behavior as you created a loving, caring and exciting relationship? The dedication must have paid off for you at one time, or you would not be looking for that same feeling again!
Though the hormones may have been in bloom at the time, they did not account for the success. The creativity and effort you put into building a warm and trusting relationship was rewarded. you might now be relating to the pain my friend felt for neglecting his music, or the pain you felt as you realized the time that had lapsed since your last encounter with your muscles, and realize these truths also apply to the disappointment and loneliness you are perhaps now feeling in your marriage.
At LIFE we believe in miracles. We believe that with new skills, sound principles, and some fun and dedicated time together you can once again hear and experience the sweet harmonies that once defined your earlier years of marriage. You can find new wisdom and gain the power that will allow you to forevermore nurture your relationship and keep it strong and healthy.
At our Trainings and Retreats we create an environment within which couples heal, reestablish trust, and communicate from their hearts. Our couples experience the joys of reconnection and discover a new and vibrant melody in their lives.
Oh, by the way it is our experience that the hormones are still there, perhaps rearranged and somewhat dormant, but none the less there. With new trust and a reawakening of forgotten or deeply buried feelings, the deep attraction to one another and feelings of closeness will return. A depth of love you have only dreamed of will emerge and you will enjoy the fruits of your "practice" and commitment.